Alas, no St. Patrick's Day gig this year.  Oh well.

 

Come dance with the astonishing

Axes of Evil!

 

VICTORY PARTY TO CELEBRATE OUR WIN OVER STAR WARS
        Saturday, March 19th, 9pm
        The Steelworkers Hall, 25 Cecil St, Toronto
        (one block South of College, runs East off Spadina)
        Free parking behind
 
You are invited to celebrate Canada's decision to say NO to Bush's Ballistic Missile Defence scheme
 
Saturday, March 19th is the day of the major antiwar rally here in Toronto and around the world.  

Come dance to the Axes of Evil -- playing good old rock and roll.
 
ADMISSION - $5 or PWYC          Cash Bar
 
SPECIAL GUESTS include Marilyn Churley (MPP) and Jack Layton (Federal Leader of the NDP)
 
SPONSORS - The list of sponsoring groups includes the Canadian Peace Alliance, Centre for Social Justice, People Against Weapons in Space, Raging Grannies, Students for Peace in Space, Toronto and York Region Labour Council, Toronto Coalition to Stop the War, Toronto Danforth NDP, Toronto Centre NDP, and Trinity Spadina NDP.  All peace groups, riding associations, unions and community groups are invited to share in the victory.

Gordon's Acoustic Living Room will take place on the fourth Sunday this month, but it'll be just as much fun!

 

Come to the Free Times Café, 320 College Street (2 blocks west of Spadina) on Sunday, March 27,  8-11 p.m.

 

No cover charge!

 

Taverns are changing hands in sunny Barrie, Ontario, complicating the return of the Wee Stinky Band, but look for the fragrant ones to show up again sometime in April.

 

Wayne Neon

416-407-7009

 

 

 

The letter shown below is purportedly an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

 

Dear Sir:

 

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

 

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

 

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

 

Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be  accompanied by documented proof.

 

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

 

Let me level the playing field even further.  When you call me, press buttons as follows:

 

1. To make an appointment to see me.
2. To query a missing payment.
3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated
to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

 

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.  While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

 

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year.

 

Your Humble Client

 

 

 

 

Pretentious but stupefying!  Click here.